Memoir in the Making: Finding My Voice Through Memories and Doubt

For those who may not be aware, I am currently working on my memoir. I have told a couple of people, and a year or two has passed.

I began writing a bit, but nothing resonated, so I took a break. However, after my trip to Grenada in August 2022, I became serious about my memoir and wrote fervently. Within five months, I drafted an initial outline of the various stories and topics that came to mind, organizing them into chapters and a potential sequence of events. I gained significant momentum and conducted extensive research. I explored traditional versus self-publishing and the qualities and structure of a memoir. I also looked into how to write a memoir when experiencing memory lapses. I shared some of my questions with a few people and received feedback. I reflected on my memoir goals and reasons for writing it. I considered titles, format, and book size and created a cover draft.

During five months of writing, I reconnected with my former Pre-K teacher, who offered valuable insights and resources from her experience in writing and publishing. She introduced me to her publisher, who provided a gentle critique of my work. My draft was a collection of individual stories rather than a cohesive manuscript, but I felt I was progressing. At the New Year, feedback from the critique was helpful, but didn't fully align with my vision, which discouraged me and halted my writing. Although I continued researching, I didn't write. My teacher suggested turning my memoir into a series, sparking new ideas. While I planned the series' structure and themes, the memoir remained at a standstill as my original vision became unclear.

Two-thirds of the year was gone, and no progress on the story itself. I wanted to get back at it, so occasionally, as I developed the potential layout for the series, I humbled myself and read the Gentle Critique over and over, piece by piece. I was beginning to accept what was said and see the vision. The main theme of the critique was that there was no storyline. In the quick version I wrote, I was just telling the story as it happened, but I didn't develop it with feelings and character traits for those I interacted with. There was some context to the setting and the different senses. I wasn't allowing the reader to have any emotions during the scenes, and let the story build over time. There was no strong storyline. So it was time for me to start over.

I started from the beginning. I really took my time and tried to explain everything in great detail as much as I could remember or get a sense of how it could happen. I added internal feelings, thoughts, and descriptions of the places I went and saw. I was really into something. I was able to make it through 12 chapters, but as I had a few friends read it, they helped me elaborate more of the missing details or questions they had. I was off to a good start. However, I was dealing with my biggest issue. I don’t recall certain details of my story, and I had to craft a specific narrative that was realistic and believable in the context of my life.

Writer's Block

This is currently where I am stuck, and it's difficult to explain how I felt at certain moments; besides that, I didn't have much emotion. This was my reality, but I know not many would understand that, so I need to find a way to figure that out. I’ve been stuck at the beginning and restructuring my story. There have been moments when I was motivated and started, but got stuck trying to figure out the holes in my narrative. Other times, I wanted to write, but I knew it would also take a lot of me. I just need to jump over that hurdle. Work with what I have, continue, and someone could help me better explain my feelings so it's clear for my readers.

Many are waiting and some have forgotten. I am still working on my memoir but it also comes with its challenges as I self-reflect and rethink over my life, how much I’ve been affected by it all, and how I’ve come a long way. Bare with me, as I overcome my writers block and emotional writers block. This is all part of the painful process but I know in the end it will would be worth it.