DFH Season One: Epsiode 4 - I Need To be Met Halfway

Feature Quote:

“… I am no longer dealing with one-sided relationships. I need to be met halfway.”

When I wrote these words, two things were on my mind. I was reflecting on a situation I had just exited, even though I knew how he felt. I was also contemplating my friendships and family relationships.

The Weight of Expectations

I had reached a point where I was utterly tired. Tired of being the one who always reached out, planned events, and checked in on everyone. In my non-romantic relationships, I was the one who cared the most. I was the first to text, to ask how people were doing. Yet, no one checked in on me. I mean no one. The only time I heard from most people was when they wanted something, not a simple “Hi, how are you?”

I realized I was holding others in a higher regard than they held me. So, I had to make a decision. I needed to stop expecting others to treat me the way I treated them. That was my expectation, not theirs.

Maybe some people are just bad at texting. Perhaps it’s easier for them to talk in person, where conversation flows naturally as if no time has passed. But even then, I had to learn an important truth: who I thought was close to me didn’t always see me the same way.

Redefining Friendship

I also had to confront my own complex and challenging definition of what “friend” meant. Not everyone considered me one. To some, I was just an acquaintance — someone they knew by association, from school, church, or family circles.

For me, connection was something sacred. If I felt any bond or shared moment with someone, I remembered where we met, what we talked about, and how they made me feel. Maybe that came from my accident and the memory loss that followed. Because I couldn’t remember certain parts of my life, I paid more attention to the things and people I could remember.

I think I held on to people more deeply because remembering them made me feel grounded. And maybe that’s just life; we all remember the people and moments that leave an impression.

A Personal Revelation

When I look back, that quote wasn’t really about anyone else. It was for me. It was a reminder to do differently. It wasn’t a boundary for others; it was a boundary for myself. A promise to guard my heart, lower my expectations, and see people exactly as they show up. No more, no less.

The same principle applied to my future relationships. Almost every relationship I’d ever been in happened by circumstance. We were already talking casually, and it just naturally turned into something. Sometimes, I was the one who made the first move. I told my crushes I liked them, especially if we were already friends.

At the time, it didn’t seem like a big deal. But as I grew older, I wondered how that looked to others. I started to feel like it made me look desperate, especially in spaces like school or church. But now I know I was just searching for mutual effort. I wanted to be met where I was.

The Shift in Perspective

That awareness changed everything. It helped me in all areas of my life: friendships, family, and love. I realized I wasn’t guarding my heart or protecting my feelings the way I should have. That pattern showed up in my relationships too.

None of my relationships felt intentional. They just kind of… happened. Maybe one or two started naturally, but even then, I often knew deep down that they weren’t going anywhere. Still, I stayed because I didn’t mind at the time.

But my last situationship taught me the hardest lesson. I poured so much of myself into it, even though I knew early on it wouldn’t last. And it backfired. I got hurt deeply.

A Letter of Change

When I wrote this letter, I also penned another line that went with it:

“So please don’t come and waste my time. Please know what you want, especially who you want.”

That part came straight from that last situationship. He had feelings for me, but he didn’t want anything serious. He enjoyed my energy, my attention, my care, but he wasn’t ready to match my intention.

To be fair, it wasn’t all on him. When he told me what he wanted, or didn’t want, I didn’t leave. I stayed. That hurt even more because I ignored the truth he had already given me. But that letter changed me. It woke me up. It made me realize I was done being anyone’s second option. And I meant that.

Embracing Accountability

After writing that letter, at the very beginning of my single season, I decided to hold myself accountable to my own words. I meant it when I said I wanted to be met halfway. I meant it when I said I didn’t want my time wasted.

Keeping that promise to myself changed everything. The next relationship I entered was with my fiancé. He didn’t hesitate. He didn’t waste time. When he knew he was interested, he courted me intentionally, prayerfully, and purposefully. He knew what he wanted, and he knew who he wanted.

And God has been blessing our union ever since.

Lessons Learned

This quote wasn’t about cutting people off — it was about learning balance. It was a reminder that love, friendship, and effort should flow both ways. Here’s what I learned:

• Reciprocity matters. You deserve relationships where care, effort, and communication go both directions.

• Awareness is protection. Pay attention to patterns. When someone keeps showing you who they are, believe them.

• Boundaries are self-love. Saying “I need to be met halfway” isn’t cold — it’s clarity.

• Healing changes standards. The more you heal, the less you chase what doesn’t honor you.

  
  

Reflection Prompt

Take a moment to ask yourself:

Where in your life are you giving more than you’re receiving?

What would it look like to pause, protect your peace, and wait to be met halfway?

In the quiet moments of reflection, I invite you to explore the depths of your own heart. As you navigate your relationships, remember that you are worthy of the same love and effort you give. Embrace the journey of self-discovery and healing. You are not alone in this sacred dance of connection.