"Dear Future Spouse"

Reflection

I had various relationships for 4-5 years, from completing my first year of college to finishing a few years in my career. During this time, I had two situation-ships, and two boyfriends, all short-lived. Throughout this time, each relationship was a reflection of my lack of insight into the opposite sex, self-worth, value, and spiritual guidance and discernment. While there is blame that can be pointed on either side of these relationships, the common theme was me. If I had insight, knew my self-worth and value, and relied on God to guide me, I wouldn't have fallen for the same traits multiple times, but I would have also held onto my beliefs and put up boundaries.

After setting boundaries with the last guy, I knew I deserved better. It was challenging to push my feelings away, but it was time to turn over a new leaf. I am a child of God, and He has blessed me in more ways than one so that I can stress over someone who wasn’t considering me. At the same time, I started writing more. I started carrying a journal and wrote about my deepest thoughts and feelings, laying it all on paper. Therefore, I looked within and decided to wait for God. I entered into my ‘single’ season. It was time to focus on myself and enjoy my own company.

My ‘single’ season made me focus on who I was, what type of relationship I wanted, and what I deserved. It also made me pray more and seek God’s guidance. I spent more time writing and exploring my most genuine desires, leading me to pray differently. I desire to be married with a family, precisely what I would pray to God for. My prayers were regular prayers to God, but other times, I wrote a ‘Dear Future Husband’ Letter. In the past, I prayed for relationships and got what I wanted, but only to realize I needed to be careful with what I was praying for. Keeping this in mind, I wrote my first letter, but it wasn't much about what I wanted from my husband; it was more of a self-reflection letter about my journey to my future husband. I explained and talked about what I was afraid of and working on, hoping that when I meet him, I don’t scare him away and know I'm still a work in progress. As I wrote these letters, I learned more about myself and what I should work on and reveal what God desires for me in the future.

Please find the first letter I wrote attached. I hope it inspires you to self-reflect on where you need help and what you want from your future spouse and reveals to you what God desires for your future relationship.

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"Dear Future Husband" Letter

WRITING IS A FORM OF EXPRESSING YOURSELF.

January 28, 2023

Dear Future Husband,

I am patiently but anxiously waiting for you, waiting for God to reveal you to me. But I’m scared. Will I recognize you? My mindset is slightly different, but would I still make the same mistakes again? Would I end up pushing you away? Don't let me drive you away if you are sure of God's revelation.

I am currently working on myself. I am learning to be okay by myself and enjoy my company. I am trying to do as much as I can financially and do things I want and love to do independently. I am trying to make and have fun. I am learning to be more independent on a social level during my season of isolation and separation.

As I’m working on myself this season, I’m also learning and trying not to deal with people who will waste my time. I know the effort I put forth in reaching out and trying to make plans, but I’m no longer dealing with one-sided relationships. I need to be met halfway. So please don’t come and waste my time. Please know what you want, especially who you want. I don’t want to play games or like to play them. I never did. I may not have been in certain relationships for the right reasons, but I was and always knew who and what I wanted, even if it was for the wrong reasons. If you make plans, please stick with it. 

I may not have a lot of friends or hang out with many people, but I want a best friend in you. I can talk to you when something is wrong. I can act a fool around you, and you will join me. We can go on fun adventures and try new things. Most importantly, I pray you know what you want from life; you have a plan. It’s okay if you don’t have it all figured out, but just enough that if you willingly and prayerfully accept, I could help you with it, and you do the same for me. I know what I can do for people and how I can help them grow in character, life, and career-wise. However, I don’t have many people that do the same for me. I do most of the giving but not much receiving. I don’t just mean a little help here and there. I mean high-quality advice on growth at the same level that I produce it. Respectfully, help call me out on specific behaviors in an effective building-up way. Build me up, don’t tear me down, and I pray I will do the same. But even if it is a hard truth, I pray we are both willing and able to receive it healthily. 

I don’t want you to be like me, but I pray we have the same or similar souls/spirits. We walk and grow in harmony together.

Love,

Your Future Wife

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Now it is your turn. I challenge those who are single, even those in relationships, to reflect on the type of spouse they want, who they hope to be, and what they want out of the marriage and their partnership. Don't think arbitrarily, but think deeply about your core values. Write about the desired personality and character traits of your spouse. You can also be transparent by sharing what you are currently struggling with so you can work on yourself as you wait for your lifetime partner. Even if you decide not to write a formal letter, carry a journey to express your feelings. If you aren't fond of writing, you use whatever medium to help you self-reflect and express your hidden desires, whether voice notes, music, art, etc.

Just remember to be careful what you wish for.

DeNight Owl